Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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