can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
