i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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