i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
