So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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