We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
