her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You left your phone here
Wait...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
