I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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