Umm I'm too high to move.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
