Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
