I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
