Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
True strength comes from lack of pants
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
