so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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