It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
