my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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