My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
