you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
operation have a gay friend backfired
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
