Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
