i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize