dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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