Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
