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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy

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• (315): View more from New York

  He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.

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• (516): View more from New York

  You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  as a side note pls kill me

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.

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• (916): View more from California

  You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs

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