I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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