If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
