So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
