That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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