He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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