Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
