There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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