meet me or not, i'm out of control
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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