Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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