you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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