I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
