i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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