feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
