Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
