is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
