Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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