I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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