Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
