How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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