My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
