Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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