My room smells like vodka and shame
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
my poor anus
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
