Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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