my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
