Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
