the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
