Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
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