hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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