You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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