we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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