love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
