wanna go halves on a baby?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
