I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
