Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
