But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
