My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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