Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
