Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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