it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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