I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
