I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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