Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
