He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
