well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
