I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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