I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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