This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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