everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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