There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
