I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
