so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
