College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
false alarm, still single
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