hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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