you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
