yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
