Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
don't judge my taste in strippers
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
