It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
