you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
