actually, I'm a sock model
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
