SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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