Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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