We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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