you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
