I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
